they call kids like us vicious

yo.

2004-07-14T04:35:58Z

i've created a new journal, if you want access, post a reply here, or im me at loserkid020 on aim

yo

2004-07-14T04:17:08Z

i made a new journal, if you want access to it, post a reply here, or talk to me via aim at loserkid020

an update you say?

2003-03-09T17:37:55Z

yes, all one of you that have requested an update, here it comes. me + steph = good times. went to the dance the other week, had some fun there. yes. im pretty sure somewhere along the way i went to a no use for a name and starting line concert, also rockin good times. stephanie is perfect and i love her, yes. ummmm first 2 weeks of april are gonna be crazy

march 30th -- The Ataris with senor miguel zaruba

April 10th -- Civic tour (NFG, Less Than Jake, and unfortunately good charlotte, but im going with steph so it rocks hardcore.)

April 12th -- AFI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with captain michael zaruba the first.

anyways, im too lazy to go into detail with anything, PLEASE leave me a reply if you actually even read this.

im goin to take a shower and go to woodfield with stephanie.

rock.

bbbbbbbbbbbbblah.

2003-01-21T18:44:16Z

yesterday I went over to stephanie's because she came home early because she was sick. we watched goonies and it was good times, except that now I'M sick. blah. well, it was worth it, cept that it's the first day of the semester, and im home sick. blah. Stephanie is coming to visit me in a few minutes, because its her lunch period, so yay.

yeehaww

2003-01-18T16:48:15Z

mike = only grounded from the computer on school nights now that the semester is over.
w00h00.
anyways yea. Stephanie is out of town in wisconsin visiting god or something with some group at her church. being a devout atheist, all i have to say is, meh. so yea, shes gone, and im bored, but at least i have the sweet sweet warming glow of my monitor. stephanie was saying some of the best things i have ever heard the other night. it just made me feel, yea. it was good. no one has ever said stuff like that to me before, and its great because i feel the same way about her. good fucking times.

hola, long time no see

2003-01-12T20:23:20Z

yep, grounded again now that break is over. at least this semester is almost done. i wont have to worry about trying to pass classes and that shit anymore. thank god. things with me and steph have been going really good. yesterday we went to game works and had a ton of fun, then we stopped at the mall before going back to my house. we hung out there for a bit before getting dinner, then we went back to my house again before we went and saw just married. it was alright, kinda funny, the guy acted just like kelso so it made me laugh. then we went back to my house until like, 3 am, when she left because wed fallen asleep on each other. i really think shes perfect.

oooooo yeaaaaaaa

2003-01-04T06:58:59Z

i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend

alright sorry, now that thats out of the way, i finally asked steph out. and guess what, it was a yes. wooohooooooo

heres what i said for those curious :

me- i know this may be kind of a dumb question but, uh, you know i really like you, so, would you go out with me?

steph - *vigorous nodding, then going back to kissing me*

im so happy.

tomorrow were gonna go to the mall, then that night were gonna go to a concert where a friends band is playing with dan and holly. dan kinda thinks steph is dumb as toast, but hes wrong. im still kinda nervous about them being around each other though, but what can you do. holly said shed keep him leashed for me. holly is good people.

oh, and now that this entry is over, id like to wrap it up by saying :

i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend

allll iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii need to knowwwwwwwwwwwww

2003-01-03T19:41:12Z

i saw steph yesterday. finally. shit i missed her a lot. i woke up at 1:15 and she called me at 1:30 so i went over to her house before i had to work at 4. nothing happened then cuz we were with her friend megan. went to work, got off around 630, then got steph and we went to my house. put in a movie, i think it was the sum of all fears. started making out... good times. so were going about our business, and my phone fucking rings. dammit. its stephs friend looking for steph, cuz she assumed wed be together (good assumption). they talk for a few minutes, we go back to what we were doing (made progress in the, uh, northern region?). yeah, so were doin that and HER phone rings. its the friend whos house shes sleepin at, telling her shed be at my house at 930 to pick steph up. FUCK, only 930? shes normally here til 2. but, meh, what can you do. so we go back to making out (a little more... energized, than before) another hour ish later, stephs phone rings (its megan letting steph know she was almost to my house). and steph and i go fucking nuts. no one got up to pick up the phone, we just started making out like crazy, groping, no breathing, holy shit, it was amazing. finally we here megan ring the doorbell and we manage to somehow pry away from each other (i believe i had to stick my head under a pillow and yell RUN). were both BRIGHT red and panting, cuz we werent really breathing, and were scrambling to find our shoes and sweatshirts. se get up stairs and my parents SO had to know what happened, cuz we were still really really red and still breathing really hard. megan says "i called, but no one picked up, i wonder why that was (while laughing)" steph shoves her out the door, hugs me, and leaves. later she calls me, because her and megan are fucking drunk off their asses. she just keeps saying how much she likes me and how happy i make her and all this other stuff (my favorite part was about how great a kisser i am :P) she slips out an i love you, then she keeps saying it and im just like. yeaaaaa, thats good, youre drunk. (im not gonna say it back, were not going out, and we havent really been dating or whatever for that long., FAR too soon) but yea, shes supposed to call me this afternoon, and if she doesnt, im supposed to call her when i get off work. good times.

you came to me like a dream
the kind that always leaves,
just as the best part starts
it ends so abruptly.
and leaves you stunned and naked
in your bedroom all alone.
it's kinda funny how something so soothing
gets interrupted by the ring of a telephone.

AHAHAHAHAH MOTHA FUCKA 'SSSSSSSSSSSSS

2003-01-01T22:31:01Z

thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"
thenie (4:10:44 PM): he's leaving tomorrow because "steph's bein a bitch"

athena just told me this, im extrodinarily happy.
something still seems shady because athena told me she wasnt going into any detail, but im sure steph will tell me.

fuck yes.

someone put me on suicide watch please.

2003-01-01T20:55:35Z

DeaLiO2003: save me from myself
DeaLiO2003: before i kill me
loserkid020: i was kinda hoping you could do the same for me
DeaLiO2003: how bout we just talk to each other... and in doing that well be saving eachother
DeaLiO2003: :-(
DeaLiO2003: happy new year
DeaLiO2003: lol
loserkid020: lol
loserkid020: whats wrong?
DeaLiO2003: everything
DeaLiO2003: i hate this
loserkid020: hate what?
DeaLiO2003: i hate having to ive in the past
loserkid020: ?
DeaLiO2003: nathan just makes me so angry and sad at the same time
loserkid020: im sorry
DeaLiO2003: i just want to die
loserkid020: please dont
DeaLiO2003: its like i would rather stick my head under a rock right now than breathe
loserkid020: shitty
DeaLiO2003: i just cried for like 25 mins
DeaLiO2003: with my mom talking to me
loserkid020: im sorry
DeaLiO2003: its no your fault its mine
DeaLiO2003: im trying to make myself cold
DeaLiO2003: by not caring
loserkid020: :-\
DeaLiO2003: but i was just on the phone with athena.. and i was like, can i call you back... and she was like no cause my mom is goingto yell at me.. and i just wanted to talk, and i was like, fine... shes like sorry... and i starterd cry
DeaLiO2003: ing
DeaLiO2003: its like everything in my life is shit
DeaLiO2003: and its not going to get better until he leaves
loserkid020: :-\
DeaLiO2003: i wanted so much to be able to spend new years with you
DeaLiO2003: but he was here
DeaLiO2003: thats why i wouldnt have been able to go
loserkid020: you wouldnt have wanted to see me yesterday anyways
DeaLiO2003: are you ok
loserkid020: hungover, but yeah im good
DeaLiO2003: good
DeaLiO2003: i still would have wanted to spend time wiht you
DeaLiO2003: i was going to call you at like 12:10
DeaLiO2003: but i figured you wouldnt have remembered it let alone pick up the phone
loserkid020: that would have been when we were rocking out around a strobe light passing a bottle of champagne around
loserkid020: and i so would have picked up the phone
DeaLiO2003: oh
DeaLiO2003: well the thought was there
DeaLiO2003: sory
loserkid020: its okay
DeaLiO2003: I HATE CRYING
loserkid020: so dont cry
DeaLiO2003: i want to punch myself in the face
DeaLiO2003: and right now i would really do it
loserkid020: punch me
DeaLiO2003: FUCK
loserkid020: dont do anythign stupid
DeaLiO2003: FUCKFUCKRUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCUFCUFCUFKCFUCFUKCKFUC
loserkid020: ive been there
DeaLiO2003: i wont
loserkid020: ive done stupid shit
loserkid020: so dont
DeaLiO2003: i wont
DeaLiO2003: i just fel like shit
loserkid020: im sorry :-\
DeaLiO2003: i feel like everything i do disapoints everyone
DeaLiO2003: like thats all i am
DeaLiO2003: a dissapointment
DeaLiO2003: to everyone
loserkid020: well, you dont dissapoint me
DeaLiO2003: but i do
loserkid020: no you dont
DeaLiO2003: are you sure
DeaLiO2003: why not
loserkid020: im positive
DeaLiO2003: im not nice
loserkid020: yes you are
loserkid020: cept when you tickle me
DeaLiO2003: what have i ever done right
loserkid020: but i can live with that
loserkid020: what have you done wrong?
DeaLiO2003: i hate myself
loserkid020: no you dont
DeaLiO2003: im going to go cry myself to sleep
loserkid020: :-\
DeaLiO2003: no im not
DeaLiO2003: im not tired right now
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: i feel like that song 3rd and ong
DeaLiO2003: long
DeaLiO2003: i miss you
loserkid020: i miss you too
DeaLiO2003: and i hate that i put myself in this situation
DeaLiO2003: i hate getting hurt
loserkid020: im sorry
DeaLiO2003: i hate hurting myself
DeaLiO2003: i hate knowing that im going to get hurt
DeaLiO2003: i hate that word hurt
DeaLiO2003: lol
loserkid020: me too
DeaLiO2003: nathans going on a walk
DeaLiO2003: LA DE FREAKIN DA
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: :-(
DeaLiO2003: i want someone to punch me
loserkid020: no you dont, dont say that
loserkid020: you dont need to get hurt, and promise me you wont
DeaLiO2003: i just had anthony punch me in the arm
DeaLiO2003: lol
DeaLiO2003: how will i not get hurt
loserkid020: grr
DeaLiO2003: i always get hurt
loserkid020: ...physically
DeaLiO2003: its like i set myself up
DeaLiO2003: no not physically
loserkid020: good.
DeaLiO2003: ii get so scared of guys
DeaLiO2003: its likei dont want to stand up for myself
loserkid020: :-\
DeaLiO2003: cause im scared of how angry they will get
DeaLiO2003: guys yelling scares the shit out of me
loserkid020: im sorry
DeaLiO2003: mor than any dog barking or biting ever could
DeaLiO2003: i blame my "dad" for that
loserkid020: that sucks
DeaLiO2003: STAY WITTTTTTHHHHHHHH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee
loserkid020: good song
DeaLiO2003: you wouldnt ever hurt me would you
loserkid020: of course not
DeaLiO2003: im crying again
DeaLiO2003: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
DeaLiO2003: hhhhhhhaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
loserkid020: itll be alright steph
DeaLiO2003: thank you
DeaLiO2003: i hope o
DeaLiO2003: so
DeaLiO2003: i just want him to leave
DeaLiO2003: its like
DeaLiO2003: he came in and was like.. so are we just friends again
DeaLiO2003: and i just didnt respond
DeaLiO2003: i shoudlnt have had him up here
loserkid020: it happens
DeaLiO2003: we had like a 6 month relationship
DeaLiO2003: and like i dont want to have any emotional trageties when hes here now
loserkid020: yea
DeaLiO2003: so i dont want to be anything more than friends
DeaLiO2003: but im being torn apart
loserkid020: im sorry
DeaLiO2003: and thats exactly what im trying to prevent and hold inside
DeaLiO2003: its not worth it
DeaLiO2003: he lives in fucking norht carolina
loserkid020: :-\
DeaLiO2003: why the hell would i want to be anything more than friends
DeaLiO2003: to hurt myself again
DeaLiO2003: its not worth it
DeaLiO2003: why the hell doesnt he see that
DeaLiO2003: because hes nathan and hes fucking childish
DeaLiO2003: sor
DeaLiO2003: y
loserkid020: its okay
DeaLiO2003: just needed to vent
DeaLiO2003: i like you alot mike
DeaLiO2003: you know that right
loserkid020: yes
loserkid020: and i really like you too
loserkid020: you know that right?
DeaLiO2003: im sorry if i was acting dumb in rosatis yesterday
DeaLiO2003: yes
loserkid020: its okay
loserkid020: you werent dumb
DeaLiO2003: i dint know how to act
DeaLiO2003: ok
loserkid020: and connor gave me that damned comic
DeaLiO2003: did he give yuo family circus
loserkid020: lol
DeaLiO2003: lol
DeaLiO2003: hehehe
DeaLiO2003: you liked it
DeaLiO2003: :-)
loserkid020: psh
DeaLiO2003: did it make you smile
loserkid020: maybe
DeaLiO2003: of course it did
DeaLiO2003: brb
loserkid020: yep
DeaLiO2003: athenas coming over
DeaLiO2003: i dont know what i would do without her
DeaLiO2003: prolly be crying alot more
DeaLiO2003: hey..
DeaLiO2003: but im going to go so we can talk
DeaLiO2003: ill talk to you later
DeaLiO2003: e-mail me?>
loserkid020: alright
DeaLiO2003: they make mesmile
DeaLiO2003: :-):-)
DeaLiO2003: thank you for everything mike
loserkid020: then ill send tons
loserkid020: anytime
DeaLiO2003: and most of all for being so understanding
DeaLiO2003: lol
DeaLiO2003: ok
DeaLiO2003: byebye
loserkid020: bye
DeaLiO2003: but they all have to have good meanings in them
DeaLiO2003: lol
DeaLiO2003: ok
DeaLiO2003: byebye
DeaLiO2003 signed off at 2:54:41 PM.

YEAOGIHAS;LGH;ASLKHG ASDG;LKSAHDG;SAHGSDLHASASDG

FUCK.

currently searching for a tall enough building to inflict fatal damage

2002-12-31T06:21:41Z

fuck, i swear, this town has like, no fucking tall buildings, and im not risking it with a short one. how tall do you think itd have to be to kill on impact?

anyways, heres our convo aim+ chopped out a huge middle section though

meh.

DeaLiO2003 (11:45:15 PM): MIKE!
loserkid020 (11:45:19 PM): stephanie
DeaLiO2003 (11:45:29 PM): how are you?
loserkid020 (11:45:39 PM): decent
loserkid020 (11:45:40 PM): you?
DeaLiO2003 (11:45:45 PM): ok
DeaLiO2003 (11:45:52 PM): i guess
loserkid020 (11:45:56 PM): cool
loserkid020 (11:45:56 PM): i guess
DeaLiO2003 (11:46:04 PM): yea
DeaLiO2003 (11:46:07 PM): i guess
DeaLiO2003 (11:46:38 PM): so what have you been doing?
loserkid020 (11:46:39 PM): you guess?
loserkid020 (11:46:40 PM): nothin
loserkid020 (11:46:45 PM): hanging out with dan and steve
DeaLiO2003 (11:46:51 PM): kool
loserkid020 (11:46:57 PM): i guess
DeaLiO2003 (11:47:02 PM): lol
DeaLiO2003 (11:48:09 PM): ahhh
DeaLiO2003 (11:48:11 PM): say something
loserkid020 (11:48:14 PM): something
DeaLiO2003 (11:48:14 PM): we finally get to talk
DeaLiO2003 (11:48:18 PM): and nothing is said
loserkid020 (11:48:22 PM): it happens
DeaLiO2003 (11:48:28 PM): .i dont want it to
loserkid020 (11:48:49 PM): im sorry
DeaLiO2003 (11:49:13 PM): so what are you doing tomorrow night?
loserkid020 (11:49:26 PM): getting really fucking trashed
loserkid020 (11:49:27 PM): you?
DeaLiO2003 (11:49:35 PM): why?
loserkid020 (11:49:50 PM): why not?
DeaLiO2003 (11:49:58 PM): i dont know
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:09 PM): why will you be frustrated?
loserkid020 (11:50:14 PM): huh?
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:37 PM): oh
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:38 PM): sorry
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:42 PM): my eyes decieve me
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:44 PM): hey...
loserkid020 (11:50:50 PM): mmkay
DeaLiO2003 (11:50:56 PM): promise me you wont do anything stupid
loserkid020 (11:51:03 PM): everything i do is stupid
loserkid020 (11:51:05 PM): so thats a tough promise to make
DeaLiO2003 (11:51:20 PM): well
DeaLiO2003 (11:51:24 PM): just stay safe
loserkid020 (11:51:25 PM): youre gonna have to get a little more specific
loserkid020 (11:51:26 PM): yea
loserkid020 (11:51:27 PM): no driving
DeaLiO2003 (11:51:28 PM): like dont drink and drive
loserkid020 (11:51:33 PM): were freezing all the keys in a bowl of water
loserkid020 (11:51:42 PM): well be too drunk to figure out how to get them out
DeaLiO2003 (11:51:48 PM): just please dont do anything stupid
loserkid020 (11:52:02 PM): define : stupid.
DeaLiO2003 (11:52:33 PM): stupid is when i find out about it... its dumb enough that i would get upset and worried
loserkid020 (11:52:46 PM): huh?
DeaLiO2003 (11:52:52 PM): i dont knoe
DeaLiO2003 (11:52:59 PM): ahhhhhhh
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:01 PM): this sucks
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:05 PM): im so distraught
loserkid020 (11:53:08 PM): about?
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:15 PM): things
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:20 PM): i think nates upset at me
loserkid020 (11:53:20 PM): thats specific
loserkid020 (11:53:25 PM): why?
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:25 PM): not that i care... its just stupid
loserkid020 (11:53:34 PM): k
DeaLiO2003 (11:53:55 PM): hes upset because something like... hed rather be in love while we can.. and id rather just be friends
loserkid020 (11:54:05 PM): i see
DeaLiO2003 (11:54:16 PM): and the rest of the day since we talked hes just been really down and to himself
loserkid020 (11:54:24 PM): yea
DeaLiO2003 (11:54:44 PM): i told him i would just rather act like friends and just have fun while hes here
loserkid020 (11:54:52 PM): uh huh
DeaLiO2003 (11:55:03 PM): it makes sence right?
DeaLiO2003 (11:55:08 PM): to me it does at least
loserkid020 (11:55:17 PM): sure
DeaLiO2003 (11:57:00 PM): soooooooooooo
loserkid020 (11:57:03 PM): yea
DeaLiO2003 (11:57:49 PM): ahhhhhhh
loserkid020 (11:57:54 PM): ahhh?
DeaLiO2003 (11:57:58 PM): i have to work tomorrow
DeaLiO2003 (11:58:03 PM): 10-5:30
loserkid020 (11:58:10 PM): i work from 4 - 7ish
loserkid020 (11:58:17 PM): if i dont get off at 7 im gonna be fuckin pissed
loserkid020 (11:58:28 PM): i dont wanna show up and have everyone already be plastered
DeaLiO2003 (11:58:31 PM): if you arent doing anything you should stop by and say hi
loserkid020 (11:58:35 PM): i should
loserkid020 (11:59:34 PM): ughhhhh
DeaLiO2003 (11:59:40 PM): ugghhh what?
loserkid020 (11:59:45 PM): i dunno
DeaLiO2003 (11:59:51 PM): smile
loserkid020 (11:59:53 PM): meh
DeaLiO2003 (11:59:58 PM): :-D
loserkid020 (12:00:07 AM): i believe i said "meh"
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:08 AM): picture me tickling you
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:14 AM): heheheeh
loserkid020 (12:00:17 AM): thats mean
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:19 AM): :-P
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:21 AM): nope
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:24 AM): its funny
loserkid020 (12:00:26 AM): nooooo
loserkid020 (12:00:27 AM): its mean
loserkid020 (12:00:28 AM): very mean
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:31 AM): :-(:-(
DeaLiO2003 (12:00:33 AM): sowwie
loserkid020 (12:00:36 AM): ill live
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:04 AM): my bros are watching jaws right now
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:07 AM): kick ass movie
loserkid020 (12:01:08 AM): lol
loserkid020 (12:01:11 AM): yea it is
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:13 AM): i bought a NFG shirt
loserkid020 (12:01:17 AM): cool
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:23 AM): and their nothing gold can stay album
loserkid020 (12:01:27 AM): very nice
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:32 AM): i thought so too
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:47 AM): ok
loserkid020 (12:01:49 AM): ok?
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:55 AM): mike i should really really get tgoing to be
DeaLiO2003 (12:01:56 AM): d
loserkid020 (12:02:00 AM): alright
DeaLiO2003 (12:02:00 AM): i dont want to though
loserkid020 (12:02:10 AM): so dont?
DeaLiO2003 (12:02:13 AM): i want to talk to you
loserkid020 (12:02:19 AM): i want to talk to you to
DeaLiO2003 (12:02:34 AM): ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
loserkid020 (12:02:38 AM): ahhhhhhh
DeaLiO2003 (12:02:39 AM): everytrhing in life sucks
loserkid020 (12:02:44 AM): youre just realizing that?
loserkid020 (12:02:45 AM): shit
loserkid020 (12:02:48 AM): ive known that forever
DeaLiO2003 (12:02:48 AM): lolo
DeaLiO2003 (12:03:34 AM): sooooooo
DeaLiO2003 (12:03:38 AM): how much do ya miss me
loserkid020 (12:03:43 AM): more than you know
DeaLiO2003 (12:03:48 AM): i hope so
loserkid020 (12:04:01 AM): dont have to hope
DeaLiO2003 (12:04:30 AM): should i just know
loserkid020 (12:04:35 AM): yep
DeaLiO2003 (12:05:22 AM): so
DeaLiO2003 (12:05:24 AM): ;-);-)
loserkid020 (12:05:28 AM): so yea
DeaLiO2003 (12:05:29 AM): hows it hangin
loserkid020 (12:05:33 AM): lol
(IM Window Cleared)
loserkid020 (12:18:04 AM): me too
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:05 AM): e-mail me
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:07 AM): aight
loserkid020 (12:18:08 AM): i did
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:11 AM): goodnight mike
loserkid020 (12:18:16 AM): goodnight stephanie
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:25 AM): have a good dy tomorrwo and a happy new year
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:28 AM): be thinking of me
loserkid020 (12:18:31 AM): of course
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:36 AM): night night
loserkid020 (12:18:39 AM): night
DeaLiO2003 (12:18:40 AM): slep tight
loserkid020 (12:18:51 AM): yep yep
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:05 AM): MUAH
loserkid020 (12:19:09 AM): w00t
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:15 AM): what does taht mean
loserkid020 (12:19:18 AM): yay
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:21 AM): oh
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:22 AM): ok
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:24 AM): well
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:26 AM): talk to you soonm
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:28 AM): soon
loserkid020 (12:19:29 AM): i hope
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:29 AM): byebye
loserkid020 (12:19:32 AM): bye
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:32 AM): :-)
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:40 AM): til then.. ill be thinking of you
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:43 AM): night night
DeaLiO2003 (12:19:44 AM): bye
loserkid020 (12:19:50 AM): yay
loserkid020 (12:19:51 AM): night
DeaLiO2003 signed off at 12:19:58 AM.

praying for death

2002-12-30T22:35:15Z

i was just at best buy. I saw stephanie. she wasn't alone.... I didn't say anything to her, I just walked away. maybe ill die soon.

basl;gdhk

2002-12-28T06:29:57Z

well, day one is drawing to a close, just another week without her. steve gave me my present, a pack of cigarettes, what a shocker. not much happened, played pool, went to around the clock for coffee, gonna go to dave and busters tomorrow, yeah

cigarette count for today : 2 (+1 amy smoked) (17 left)

this survey might entertain me :

Have you ever:
1. Kissed your cousin: yes, on the cheek, shes only one and a half....
2. Ran away: for a few hours to cool down
3. Pictured your crush naked: yes
5. Broken someone's heart: not as far as i know
6. Been in love: yes
7. Cried when someone died: yes
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yes
9. Broken a bone: no
11. Lied: all the damn time
12. Cried in school: no

WHICH IS BETTER:
13. Coke or Pepsi: coke
14. Sprite or 7UP: CHERRY 7up
15. Girls or Guys: girls
16. Flowers or candy: candy
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: clean shaved
18. Quiet or Loud: little of both
19. Blondes or Brunettes: my track record says blondes
20. Bitchy or Slutty: bitchy
21. Tall or Short: medium
22. Pants or Shorts: dont care

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
23. What do you notice first: face
24. Last person you slow danced with: ugh, heather....
25. Worst Question To Ask: every question thats really serious seems to be bad

THE LAST TIME:
26. Showered: 2 days ago (im dirty)
27. Had Sex: nevar :'(

WHAT IS (your favorite):
29. Your Good Luck Charm: dont have one
30. Person You Hate Most: Tom Sutter, Scott Quest
31. Best Thing That Has Happened: Stephanie
32. Color: blue, dark red, black
33. Movie: Mallrats
34. Subject in school: Law in America
35. Juice: cranberry
36. Cars: Dodge Viper
37. Ice Cream: hmmm, i like a lot of em
39. Season: Fall and Winter
40. Breakfast Food: pancakes
41. Song: "Cloud 9" -- Distorted Penguins (this changes like, weekly)
42. Favorite food: I don't know, food in general is good
43. Makes you laugh the Most: Stephanie
44. Makes you smile: Stephanie
45. Can make you feel better no matter what: Stephanie
46. Has A Crush On You: Stephanie
47. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: yes
48. Who Has it easier? girls
49. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: Stephanie

DO YOU EVER:
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: occasionally, when i know its coming
51. Save AIM conversations: aim+ automatically logs them
52. Save Emails: yes
53. Wish you were someone else: all the time
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no

BEST:
55. Hairstyle: on me? shaggamafied
56. Cologne: I dont care
57. Perfume: I dont care
58. Kiss: Stephanie

HAVE YOU:
60. Kissed the same sex? no
61. Fallen for your best friend?: no
62. Made out with JUST a friend? yes
63. Been rejected: yes
64. Been in love?: yes
65. Been in lust?: yes
66. Used someone?: yes
67. Been used: yes
68. Cheated on someone?: no
69. Been cheated on?: yes
70. Been kissed?: yes
71. Done something you regret?: yes

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You touched?: slapping Colin Olewine on the back in the Taco Bell parking lot
73. You talked to?: Steve
74. You hugged?: Stephanie
75. You instant messaged?: Sarah
76. You kissed?: Stephanie
77. You had sex with?: 'Ole Righty
78. You yelled at?: parents
80. Who broke your heart?: Mysi
81. Who told you they loved you?: Mysi

OTHER INFO:
82. Color your hair? no
83. Have tattoos? I want a small black broken heart on my shoulder
84. Have piercings? left cartilidge
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? almost
86. Own a webcam? yes
87. Own a thong? no
88. Ever get off the damn computer? on occasion
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? no
90. Habla espanol? un poquito
91. Quack?: no

Have you/do you/are you...
92. Stolen anything? no
93. Smoke? occasionally (mostly no, just gonna be a rough week, so this week i am)
94. Schizophrenic? no
95. Obsessive? about some stuff
96. Compulsive? about some stuff
97. Obsessive compulsive? about some stuff
98. Panic? sometimes
99. Anxiety? most of the time
100. Depressed? more than most of the time

this is awful..

2002-12-27T05:19:28Z

if its this bad 10 minutes after i drop her off.... how bad will it be in a week

ahhhhhh

2002-12-26T18:19:51Z

i dont know wtf is going on all i know is as it gets closer to this guy coming to see steph im getting seriously fucked up. no matter what i say, i am definetly not cool with this, i dont want it to happen, and im freaking out.......

merry fucking christmas , no, really, im not being sarcastic, really im not

2002-12-25T18:19:41Z

yay its christmas. i gotted a mp3 player amongst other things, but that was my big thing. 10 gig mp3 player mmmm. anyways, onto what i was gonna say last night had i not been completely hammered. things with me and steph are really good. we had our first kiss the other night, on the 22nd. world record for first kiss .... 1 hour, it was amazing. shes just., yeah. for christmas i got her this animal (from the muppets) big stuffed thing she saw at hot topic and she wanted. i had it buckeled into the passenger seat in my car when i went to pick her up. we saw 2 weeks notice, which was actually rather amusing. then we went to my house and watched some movie in my basement, i dont really know what movie cuz, ya know, we werent really paying attention. we fell asleep on each other and woke up at 1 30 because my dog was spazzing for some reason so i thought someone was awake. were really bad at leaving each other because its always like "bye" *kiss for 5 minutes* "bye" *kiss for 5 minutes* , repeat over and over again. but yeah, starting the 27th that guy will be here, and i wont be able to see her, shes supposed to call me later today

yeah.

omg ill update tomorrow

2002-12-25T04:25:21Z

lots happend, lots of good things, but im totally fucking drunk off my drunken asss so ill do it later uber hardcore to the max w00tage

so yeah

2002-12-15T16:37:42Z

heres some parts from our conversation last night :

DeaLiO2003 (2:07:47 AM): mike?
loserkid020 (2:08:10 AM): yes?
DeaLiO2003 (2:08:25 AM): did you want to kiss me?
loserkid020 (2:08:34 AM): yea...
DeaLiO2003 (2:09:19 AM): tonight?
loserkid020 (2:09:30 AM): yea
DeaLiO2003 (2:10:06 AM): i wanted to kiss you too
loserkid020 (2:11:07 AM): really?
DeaLiO2003 (2:11:13 AM): yes
DeaLiO2003 (2:11:26 AM): why... do not think i want to
loserkid020 (2:11:45 AM): i dunno
DeaLiO2003 (2:12:41 AM): i mean...i wanted to..
DeaLiO2003 (2:12:45 AM): and could have
DeaLiO2003 (2:12:54 AM): but part of me just wants to wait
DeaLiO2003 (2:13:08 AM): and the other half is like/.... holy shit
loserkid020 (2:13:26 AM): i wanted to, but then i thought about what you said yesterday, and i didnt know what to do or think then, so i was just like, yea...
DeaLiO2003 (2:13:40 AM): see... thats just it
DeaLiO2003 (2:14:12 AM): i want to hardcore (lol)... but i dont want to start anything before winter break
loserkid020 (2:14:21 AM): lol, you stole my word
DeaLiO2003 (2:14:25 AM): i know
DeaLiO2003 (2:14:33 AM): mike.. im really sorry about thiswhole ordeal
loserkid020 (2:14:41 AM): its okay
DeaLiO2003 (2:14:44 AM): you cant even imagine how much it frustrates me
DeaLiO2003 (2:15:30 AM): i really like you
loserkid020 (2:15:44 AM): and i really like you too

DeaLiO2003 (2:16:16 AM): before we started to talk really
DeaLiO2003 (2:16:31 AM): TJ, told me that you kind of had a crush on me
loserkid020 (2:16:40 AM): i see
DeaLiO2003 (2:17:05 AM): but... like i had started to begin talking to you at that point and thought you were cool
DeaLiO2003 (2:17:09 AM): i wanted to get to know you better
loserkid020 (2:17:27 AM): mmkay
DeaLiO2003 (2:17:39 AM): then.. matt goldman said something about how he bet you that you wouldnt ask me out.... and you didnt
loserkid020 (2:17:48 AM): goldmans a dick
loserkid020 (2:17:49 AM): but go on
DeaLiO2003 (2:17:51 AM): and hes like... im $20 richer
DeaLiO2003 (2:17:57 AM): and i was sad
DeaLiO2003 (2:18:05 AM): becuase.. all you needed to do was ask
DeaLiO2003 (2:18:12 AM): and i SO would have hung out with you

DeaLiO2003 (2:21:46 AM): ahhhhhhhhhhh
loserkid020 (2:21:49 AM): ah?
DeaLiO2003 (2:22:00 AM): i wanted to kiss you
loserkid020 (2:22:09 AM): and i really wanted to kiss you..

sooo, she wants to, but she wont, or cant, or i dont know... yeah.

today

2002-12-15T07:57:37Z

i was bummin hardcore about last night all morning. i went out with dan to woodfield around 2 and got high, it made me feel kinda better for a little while. after that i had to go and rescue holly from the WARP from getting raped or some shit, she and dan both owe me. steph called while i was on my rescue mission, and we watched mallrats in my basement. she had her head on my shoulder and we were holding hands, it felt so good. i should have kissed her, but i didnt, im kinda mad at myself, but i know ill do it eventually. its like, 2 am and she just left, im waitin for her to come online. neither of us even mentioned what we talked about last night, i thought it was kind of weird that neither of us even brought it up. but yeah, adios...

where's my heart? oh wait, here it is, right in the trash can where you threw it

2002-12-14T06:31:22Z

DeaLiO2003: can i talk to you about something...
loserkid020: go nuts
DeaLiO2003: im serious
DeaLiO2003: i have to tell you something
loserkid020: okay
loserkid020: ask me anything
DeaLiO2003: no
DeaLiO2003: its not asking
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: its that i have to tell you something
loserkid020: tell me
DeaLiO2003: im scared to
loserkid020: dont be
DeaLiO2003: i scared that when i tell you... youll react the way i dont want you to, and get angry at me
loserkid020: i could never
DeaLiO2003: ok
DeaLiO2003: i like you mike
DeaLiO2003: i really like you
loserkid020: i really like you too
DeaLiO2003: ok
DeaLiO2003: so i have to tell you that
loserkid020: thats what you were scared to tell me?
DeaLiO2003: no
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: what i have to say is
DeaLiO2003: ok.... i dont know how to say this,... so im sorry if it might not be worded perfectly
DeaLiO2003: but...
loserkid020: but..
DeaLiO2003: about a month and a half ago... before we started hanging out..
DeaLiO2003: i made plans for someone in NC to come and visit me...
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: so... over christmas break.... the guy that i was with before i moved, is coming to visit
loserkid020: oh
DeaLiO2003: and it poses as a problem and i am starting to really like you
loserkid020: i see
DeaLiO2003: im not trying to make you think that youre a problem... because by all means, you totally are not
DeaLiO2003: i love spending time with you and i think you are so cool
loserkid020: thanks
DeaLiO2003: and i love the way things are going with us
loserkid020: me too
DeaLiO2003: so... hes coming up just to visit, and he says he just wants to be friends... which is good
loserkid020: yea
DeaLiO2003: and...
loserkid020: and?
DeaLiO2003: i guess... what im trying to say is that... i think
DeaLiO2003: it would be better if the relationship between me and you doesnt accelerate until after he leaves
loserkid020: oh
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: ive thought about this for like a week straight everynight... and i cant think of any solution other than that
DeaLiO2003: i feel really really REALLY shitty
loserkid020: its ok
DeaLiO2003: beucase... i totally love how things are going between us and want them to go further
loserkid020: yea
DeaLiO2003: i know that its really wrong of me to brign you into a situation like this, i guess, without telling you...
DeaLiO2003: for that i am sorry
loserkid020: its okay
DeaLiO2003: please tell me what you think of all of this
loserkid020: i dont know
loserkid020: i dont think much
DeaLiO2003: please think about thias
loserkid020: okay
DeaLiO2003: ...?
loserkid020: i dont know
DeaLiO2003: :-(
DeaLiO2003: i dont want you to think that hes my boyfriend or anything... because he isnt
loserkid020: yea
DeaLiO2003: i dont know
DeaLiO2003: i just want you to understand and not hate me
loserkid020: i couldnt hate you
DeaLiO2003: please say something
loserkid020: hi
DeaLiO2003: mike.. i want your output on this
loserkid020: (input)
DeaLiO2003: out/input*
DeaLiO2003: sjhhhhh
DeaLiO2003: please
loserkid020: i dont know
DeaLiO2003: are you angry
loserkid020: no
DeaLiO2003: are you upset
loserkid020: no
loserkid020: i guess the word is
loserkid020: hmm
loserkid020: disappointed?
DeaLiO2003: that seems reasonable
DeaLiO2003: all i can do is apologize
DeaLiO2003: im really sorry
loserkid020: its okay
DeaLiO2003: i didnt ever mean to do this to you
loserkid020: its alright
DeaLiO2003: i tried... to start slow... becuase i knew that i would start liking you
loserkid020: okay

yeah....

(for the smarter ones out there, the one that isnt me, is obviously stephanie.)

this one goes out to the one i loved...

2002-12-03T01:43:21Z

Driving down the same old road where I wrecked myself those years ago. I can't believe I crashed here again. I took a chance and found myself wrapped around the same tree, my body tossed on jagged rocks, bringing back painful memories. They're things I care not think about but the road is so damn tempting and it appears to have changed. But the asphalt is just as slick and the rocks are just as sharp. I pull myself off the rocks and stare ahead towared a light.

A brighter future..

Without You....

rather waste some time with you...

2002-11-29T18:05:09Z

thinking about stephanie again, what a shocker....

and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole
through everyone that feels it

well your never gonna find it
if your looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if your looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

and all i wanna hear is your voice...

2002-11-28T16:46:24Z

I was with stephanie all night last night. We went to the mall (where i bought the MOST badass hat ever : black winter hat with a big skull on the front/top), then we went to my house and played pool and watched office space, then we went out to see a movie at the theater she DOESNT work at. (on a related note : do NOT see extreme ops, its terrible.) but yeah, so then i took her home. nothing happened, but its cool, slow is fine with me. we talked online when i got home and she kept saying how funny i am (who knew?) and how much fun she had with me, and told me to call her whenever i get bored or wanna hang out. i am just completely stunned by her, shes like no one ive ever met, shes just so.. perfect...

okay

2002-11-24T22:02:24Z

well i havent updated in a while.. tough shit im not telling everyone whats happened over the past few weeks cuz im REALLY fucking lazy. i hung out with steph last night, it was so much fun, wasnt a date, but im gonna ask her out soon, i want her so bad...

i stealed this from katie

2002-10-27T19:44:47Z

1) Single or Taken: tragically single
2) Sex: male
3) Birthday: may 14, 1985
4) Sign: Taurus
5) Siblings: meghan - 14
6) Hair color: Brown
7) Eye color: brown
8) Shoe size/height: 10.5 6 foot

R e l a t i o n s h i p s

1) Who are your best friends?: mike and dan
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope

F a s h i o n S t u f f

1) Where is your favorite place to shop? best buy, hot topic, pac sun
2) Any tatoos or piercings: cartilidge in my left ear

T h e E x t r a S t u f f

1) Do you do drugs: weed and booze on occasion
2) What kind of shampoo do you use: hell if i know
3) What are you most scared of: death
4) What are you listening to right now: sublime
5) What vehicle do you wish to have: dodge viper
6) Who is the last person that called you: mysi
7)Where do you want to get married: i dont care, as long as i get married eventually
8) How many messenger buddies do you have on line? 9
9) If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: i dunno, alot

F a v o r i t e s

1) Color: black and red
2) Whats your fav. food?: food is good
4) Boy's names: dont care
5) Girls names: dont care
6) Subjects in school: english
7) Animals: dog
8) Sports: tennis

H a v e Y o u E v e r

1) Given anyone a bath: no
2) Smoked: yes
3) Bungee jumped: no
4) Broken the law: yes
5) Made yourself throw-up: yes, only cuz i was sick and i though that itd make me feel better, which it did
6.)went skinny dipping? no
7. Ever been in love: probably
8) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: nope

What C o m e s T o M i n d

1)Red: black
2)Cow tipping: idiot drunken frat guys
3)Socks: white
4)Greenland: iceland

w h a t ' s w o r s e ?

1) Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? i fucking hate barf, i fucking hate it in the face

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s

1) Do you like filling these out: on occasion
4) Gold or Silver: silver
5) What is the last film you saw at the movies: jackass (FUNNIEST MOVIE EVAR)
6) Favorite cartoon character: any simpson
7) What do you have for breakfast in the morning: a vanilla coke at school
8) Who would you hate being locked in a room with: fuck if i know